So, you’re in a tough one huh? When you’re trying to achieve anything in life, you can be completely debilitated by a bad relationship. Asking yourself – How do I get out of a bad relationship? – is natural. It can be toxic for your self-esteem and if you don’t lose your goals completely they can certainly fall out of balance.
For example, if you have an eating addiction, adding a toxic relationship to that just makes it increasingly more difficult for you to conquer your initial problem. Moreover, the fundamental emotional issues that drive the addictions and bad habits you have are made worse when you’re in a bad or unhealthy relationship.
What’s the first thing that you need to do?
The first step is often the hardest. Before all else, you need to sit down and get objective. You can get objective with yourself, with a friend, with a professional… But at some point, you need to be honest with yourself and identify and admit that the relationship you’re in isn’t working for you.
From there, you need to decide why you’re in the relationship. What do you get out of the relationship that you feel you won’t get on your own? How can you give that to yourself?
It’s important to do a lot of focusing in and calming down in this process. Panicking often leads you back to “I can’t do this” or “I’m too weak” thoughts, so take it minute by minute, be an advocate for yourself.
Four ways to re-identify as yourself
As I’ve briefly mentioned and as I’m sure you know, finding out who exactly you are and remembering that you are an individual can be one of the hardest points in this process. Here are four ways you can re-focus and establish yourself in the midst of being lost.
1) Focus on your physical self, your body. Pay attention to the signs and signals it’s sending you.
2) Meditate for a while; find a safe space and give yourself 5 minutes paying attention to ONLY you. Interrupt yourself if feelings of the partner creep in.
3) Re-connect yourself to your identity be processing your emotions. Use “I” statements to do this. For example:
- I am…
- I feel…
- I am most at peace when…
- I am most distraught when…
4) Re-connect with your friends and family. Build yourself up by building a good network of positive people.
What you need when you leave
Before you leave and hit the exit (assuming it’s not violent) there’s a few things you should have in place.
1) A support system, who will you call when times get tough?
2) A plan for success. Where will you go, how will you succeed there?
3) A partner in growth – this can be a professional or someone who is as a mentor in your life.
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